


What Defines Us

by strange_nut_pirate



Series: OTP Prompt Oneshots [14]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, F/F, Hurt/Comfort, Insecurities, Kinda, am I self projecting onto Ymir.... maybe ..., set before Christa is found out to be heir to the throne
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-27
Updated: 2020-08-27
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:48:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,805
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26132932
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/strange_nut_pirate/pseuds/strange_nut_pirate
Summary: Ymir knew Krista was better off without her. One day, Krista would wake up and realise what a horrible person Ymir truly was, and she would leave her for someone much better. So it shocked Ymir everyday, when Krista remained loyally by her side.
Relationships: Krista Lenz | Historia Reiss/Ymir
Series: OTP Prompt Oneshots [14]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1657651
Comments: 4
Kudos: 48





	What Defines Us

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys, I hope you like this piece I wrote months ago. These two are literally my favourite ship in the anime and they are also my comfort ship, so excuse the lack of plot and just take the angst and fluff and whatnot. Also this is sorta diverting from canon (besides the dating thing), but not really.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy! Xx 🤎💛🤎💛
> 
> Prompts from— https://drink-it-write-it.tumblr.com/post/189074732022/200-prompts

**“I don’t deserve you,”** Ymir whispered to Krista before she could properly comprehend the words slipping from her mouth.

As soon as she said them, she felt Krista tense under her. Ymir stopped peppering her bare shoulder with kisses, and Krista rolled over on the bed to peer up at her, royal blue meeting murky hazel. Ymir felt a cool, comforting pressure on her face as Krista’s hand cupped her cheek.

“It’s true,” Ymir said, feeling the familiar surge of affection for the blonde. 

“No, it’s not,” Krista said, firmly but calmly. 

Ymir cast her eyes downwards, but she knew Krista’s eyes were still staring intently at her. This would always be the problem, when you were dating such a kind, wholesome person, you would always feel not good enough for them. You would always question why and how someone so magnificent would choose someone like yourself to love. Someone so ghastly and wretched. And it wasn’t that Ymir was normally insecure (she wasn’t), she just knew herself, and was aware of the type of person she was. She was cruel and bitter, and extremely selfish, and Krista was the exact opposite of her. 

Ymir was certain Krista was the only person who saw Ymir as a good person. And that broke her heart a bit, because that meant Krista just didn’t see Ymir for who she was. She wasn’t a good guy, and even though she never tried to hide that, Ymir was afraid she would disappoint Krista majorly when she found out just how horrid she was.

And so she didn’t deserve Krista. It was the plain truth.

“Stop thinking,” Krista murmured sleepily, her eyes fluttering shut as sleep took hold of her. She threw her arms around Ymir’s body, and pulled herself closer to the bigger girl. “You’re better than you think you are.”

Ymir was too tired to correct her. And she had a feeling Krista was on the verge of sleeping too. So she merely kissed her forehead and said.

“If you say so, angel.”

Ymir wasn’t sure if Krista was conscious enough to hear her, though.

~~~

The week after, Ymir ran water over all the dirty dishes in the sink, as Krista walked Sasha and Connie out. 

“The food was sooo good!” Ymir heard Sasha exclaim to Krista who laughed in response. Connie retorted something she couldn’t quite make out, but Ymir could nevertheless hear his eye roll from there.

After a few more exchanged words and laughs, the household was quiet once more, and Krista’s soft footsteps shuffled down to wear Ymir would just be finishing up with the dishes. Krista raised her eyebrows, clearly impressed.

“Wow, I didn’t know you had the drive to do any form of labour, Ymir,” Krista praised. “Maybe the Cadet Corps did change you for the better.”

“I’m not a total pig,” Ymir murmured, staring hard at the floor. 

Krista didn’t respond, even though Ymir had been joking. It was a heavy silence, as Ymir could feel Krista’s gaze on her, and she shifted uncomfortably under it. She hadn’t meant to make it awkward, but Krista knows her better than anyone else, so maybe she could see the truth underneath her hard exterior attitude. Ymir looked up at her to brush aside the comment with one of her own cheeky remarks, but when she saw the grim contemplative look on her girlfriend’s face, she stopped short.

Was it that Krista made Ymir feel powerless? No, it wasn’t. More often than not, Krista made Ymir feel so good, like hot shit, like there was no one in the world who could protect Krista from pervy suitors (like that Reiner guy, _ew_ ). But, right now, Ymir just felt so vulnerable and _exposed_ , and it was something she wasn’t used to feeling.

“What’s been with you recently?” Krista spoke gently, like she was coaxing a wild animal who didn’t know any better.

“What do you mean?” Ymir asked, as nonchalantly as she could.

“Like, you’ve been pretty cold and quiet recently. For example, why didn’t you say proper goodbyes to Connie and Sasha just now?”

“Because they’re your friends, not mine.”

“They’re _our_ teammates, and _our_ friends.”

“They only want to be mates with you.”

“What makes you so sure?”

“Because you’re you and I’m me.”

“Ymir, what does that have to do with anything?”

Krista was tempting her, and it was working. Ymir could feel the pain rising to the surface, no matter how hard she tried to tap it down.

“Well, you’re gorgeous and kind and caring to everyone you meet. I’m not. You’re open and social and enjoy being with people so they enjoy being with you. I’m nothing like that. You have the most pleasant laugh and amazing bone structure and everything about you makes you appear to be a fucking _angel_ , Krista. I look like I just climbed out of the pits of hell. And I don’t know how you could still choose me out of everyone who’s trying to win you heart, I honestly don’t understand. You genuinely care so much about the people around you, even if you don’t know them that well, and I find it absolutely astounding how considerate you are with them because I could _never_ ever be like that. And you trust people. Shit, Krista, it sometimes scares me how much faith you have in mankind. It almost scares me how much hope lies with this _evil_ species, because that’s exactly what we are. Humans can be so evil, and I want you to know that so you can protect yourself, but I also don’t want you to know that because I don’t want you to be anything like me. I’m a horrible, nasty, toxic woman who’s seen evil shit, and has done evil shit. I’m not even trying to be self-demeaning, I don’t deserve you because I’ll just drag you down like right now—”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa!” Krista interrupted, rushing forwards to take Ymir’s hands in her own.

She stood below Ymir, looking up at her with big, worried, baby blue eyes, and how small she was compared to big, bulky Ymir, how small and vulnerable and _perfect_ , and she didn’t deserve Ymir. She didn’t deserve someone who would make her stress more. No matter how badly Ymir tried to make up for it by protecting her from leering men and man-eating Titans, she couldn’t be blind sighted to the fact that Krista was more than she could ever be worthy of, more than she could ever hold. She was a mere spark beside Krista’s raging, white fire, or else she was a fire already put out and mere ashes of the aftermath. She could never dream to be as big and large as her.

Ymir’s vision was getting blurry as her eyes stung and her throat closed up. The last thing Krista needed was for Ymir to start crying right then and there, so of course, Ymir forced her tears to subside. She had gotten good at holding her sorrow over the years, but it was much harder to conceal herself in front of her girlfriend.

Krista must’ve noticed her internal battle with herself, for she wrapped herself up in Ymir and squeezed her tightly as Ymir sniffled pathetically, because she wouldn’t let herself ugly sob all over Krista.

“You know, you are extremely different to me,” Krista said, just loud enough for Ymir to hear. “But that’s why I love you so much. Most people around me just try to win me over by showing off, or pretending to be good too. But I was always drawn to you, Ymir. It was never a competition between you and others, because no one else could compete. I never chose you, because to me, there was no one else I could possibly choose besides you. You may be bitter and harsh at times, but you’re also incredibly loving, loyal, and smart. You inspire me more than anyone on this planet can even hope to, and I admire you so much. And what _I_ don’t understand is how you don’t know how great you are. This isn’t being kind of pitiful, I’m telling you the truth. You’re my best friend, and the love of my life, and I must not be as understanding as you think I am, because I can’t seem to think of one reason of why you think you’re not good enough for me. You have flaws, and I love you for it. You know I have flaws, and you love me for it. It’s as simple as that. Those flaws don’t define us.”

Ymir had wrapped her arms around the smaller girl midway through her speech, embracing her. She was still holding onto her, but somehow she felt relieved. Lighter. And she didn’t feel to cry anymore. The pain was still there, but it was much farther away now. Krista could take away the bulk of her struggles away with a few words, and it made Ymir scarily dependent on her. It made her scared of when Krista would have to inevitably find out the truth about her.

But she’d delay that if she could. She would do everything in her power to be with Krista for as long as possible. Even if that was the most selfish thing she could do.

Krista pulled back to kiss Ymir on the cheek, and gaze up at her. She had the most beautiful blush colouring her pale cheeks, and the sweetest of smiles.

“So if you call yourself ‘toxic’ ever again,” Krista continued, an amused spark in her eyes, “I’ll throw you a surprise party with the Cadets. And it’ll have confetti and cake and _publicity,_ and you’ll absolutely hate it! Not only that, but I’ll invite Eren and Jean and they’ll undoubtedly get into a fight and mess everything up and then I’ll invite Captain Levi over later so he can come into the party and look at the mess and then break our backs into cleaning up everything until it’s spotless! So don’t you ever say those things about yourself! Don’t even let yourself consider it.”

Ymir cringed at the thought, her face becoming more horrified with every word Krista spoke. Would Captain Levi even consider coming to a birthday party? She didn’t want to find out.

Insecurity, vanished forever.

“Noted,” she shivered, and Krista laughed brightly. 

She pulled Krista closer to her again and kissed her on the head, and then on the lips, tasting the familiar bliss that Ymir craved every minute of the day. Ymir hadn’t known what home really was until she had met Krista. All the joy she felt before then were lies. God, she was so hopelessly in love.

They pulled back, and Krista whispered, “Live your life with pride, Ymir.”

And she would.


End file.
